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7 Happy (Country) Songs

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Alright, we’re gonna add a little twang to the “7 Happy Songs” series (read the first two here and here). You’ll notice these songs are SLIGHTLY dated cuz my country phase peaked in about 2007. But they still have a place on my iPod, and I’ll tell you why.

1.  “Find Out Who Your Friends Are” by Tracy Lawrence. I looovvvvve songs about friendship, and this one’s perfect with its fiddles and steel guitars. PLUS it features guest vocals from Tracy’s real-life friends, Tim McGraw and Kenny Chesney!

2.  “It’s a Great Day to Be Alive” by Travis Tritt. Sure, this song is goofy — with subpar lyrics and Travis literally howling on the bridge — but there’s NO WAY I’m not smiling when I hear this.

3.  “American Honey” by Lady Antebellum. I will NEVER skip this song! It reminds me of road trips to Kansas with my parents. Love them. Love this. Perfect combo.

4.  “Isn’t That Everything” by Danielle Peck. Maybe she’s not rich and famous, but “I know Jesus loves me up in that sky above me.” I like when a song reminds me to count my blessings.

5.  “Mayberry” by Rascal Flatts is a throwback to the days of simple pleasures, none of which I remember because I was born in the 80s and I’ve never once watched The Andy Griffith Show. But I think we all ache for something pure and beautiful and uncomplicated. This songs nails it.

6.  “It Just Comes Natural” by George Strait. King George strikes again! Those charming vocals and child-like lyrics make for a perfect little love song. Feel free to sing this to me anytime.

7.  “Heart Like Mine” by Miranda Lambert. I think we’ve all got a little Miranda in us — a touch of rebel. (OK, more than a touch. Total depravity, people.) But this song, although wrong in some ways, has a hint of gospel that I love.

Honorable mentions include most anything from Martina McBride, Dixie Chicks (pre-Bush bashing), and Taylor Swift (pre-pop).

12 Questions On Love, Singleness And Marriage

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Two years ago I sent twelve questions to myself via email, intending to answer them in the morning. They were sort of diagnostic questions for my soul, as I’d been struggling with singleness and what that would look like for me in the long haul. Well… Last night I found the unanswered questions buried deep in my inbox. (Talk about procrastination.) Since I’m still single — and because there are still nights when I ask myself these questions — I thought I’d answer them here.

1.  Do you believe it’s better to be married than to be single?

I believe it’s better for SOME people to be married, but I don’t believe marriage itself is better than singleness. That is, neither marriage nor singleness is INTRISICALLY better than the other. Both are God-approved paths, and both present opportunities to thrive in holiness and happiness.

2.  Do you believe married people are more important to God, ministry, or the Church?

No, but the Church has sometimes made it seem that way. We tend to focus on the nuclear family with sermons, bible studies, and activities aimed at that demographic. But I’d like to think that’s because most churchgoers are married or pursuing marriage — not because we believe single people are less important to God. There’s no doubt God loves single people. He offers us eternal rewards that rival the blessings of married people (Isaiah 56:3-5), and singleness help us serve him with undivided interests (1 Corinthians 7:32-34).

3.  Do you believe single people are missing out on love?  

I know I’m loved beyond measure; but I also realize there’s a certain KIND of love I don’t experience as a celibate man. It’s the Eros that C.S. Lewis talks about in his book, The Four Loves. The other three loves are great — family, friendship, and divine love — but they don’t “make up” for Eros. In a very real sense, that love is missing from my life, and it’s something that still stings at times. But when I stand before God, I don’t believe I’ll regret having not been married (assuming I remain single). And since I won’t feel slighted then, I try not to feel slighted now. It’s a learning process.

4.  Do you believe single people have more problems than married people?

I wouldn’t say we have more problems; we have different problems. But rather than compare burdens, I think it’s better to reflect on the many ways singleness is like marriage. When we universalize the Christian experience, focusing on what we have in common, we’re better able to encourage one another.

5.  Do you believe marriage will make you happy? 

Not any happier than I am already. There are moments, of course, when I think it will — when I’m watching romantic comedies, listening to love songs, or scrolling through Facebook. But I’ve been working hard in recent years to remind myself that lasting happiness is found in God alone — knowing, loving, and seeking him — and that both marriage and singleness come with bonus pleasures on top of that. It’s just a matter of looking for and appreciating them.

6.  Do you believe you can love God and love others as a single person?

Of course, dummy! (I’m talking to my past self here.) Your relationship status has nothing to do with your capacity to love God and neighbor, which is the calling of EVERY Christian (Matthew 22:37-40). For proof, look to the only person who’s ever kept the two greatest commandments perfectly — the single man, Jesus.

7.  Do you believe marriage is a temporary institution? 

Absolutely! Jesus makes clear there’s no marriage in heaven (Matthew 22:30). Marriage foreshadows a greater reality to come. In heaven, earthly marriages will have served their purpose, and we’ll enjoy forever what they were pointing to all along: Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5:32).

8.  Do you believe singleness can bring blessings to you and your ministry? 

Yes, it already has. Being single frees me to do things with my time that many married friends are unable to do because of their commitment to spouse and kids. I can’t say I’ve taken full advantage of my singleness (some of my married friends put me to shame in their work for the Lord), but I’m striving every day to be the best possible friend, worship leader, writer, and so forth — and I’m discovering ways to let my singleness serve to that end.

9.  Do you believe single people are less equipped to serve in God’s kingdom? 

I must’ve been feeling inadequate when I asked this, because it seems to be a repeat (or fusion) of previous questions. But the answer is no.

10.  Do you believe single people should be married? 

I believe SOME of them should be married. The Apostle Paul tackles this question best in 1 Corinthians 7, which gives principles for serving God in both marriage and singleness. He says it’s better to marry than to burn with passion, which is good motivation for some people to be married. But he also advocates for singleness, as does Jesus (Matthew 19:12). I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s ever asked this question, and I’m glad God answers it in his Word.

11.  Do you believe marriage will solve your problems? 

My greatest problem has been taken care of: my sins are forgiven through the blood of Christ. I’ve been adopted into God’s family and my salvation is secure. Most of my problems now have to do with still being fallen, not being single. Getting married would create different problems (which my married friends can tell you all about), along with different blessings. See the answer to question four.

12.  Do you believe you’re less human or incomplete without a spouse?

Less human? No! Jesus was single, but also the most perfect human to ever walk the earth. Incomplete? Kinda sorta, but not because I’m single. Like everyone else, I’m not yet fully conformed to the image of Christ, but I’m confident that God will complete the work he’s begun (Philippians 1:6). In the meantime, here’s what I know: I’m chosen by God — part of a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people called out of darkness and into God’s marvelous light (1 Peter 2:9). God lavishes me with love and calls me his son (1 John 3:1). He rejoices over me (Zephaniah 3:17). None of these blessings is a result of marriage (or singleness), but rather our union with Christ.

7 (More) Happy Books

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Once again, this list doesn’t include much fiction, but I did throw in a collection of poetry and some devotionals to make up for it! If you’re looking for something outside the realm of nonfiction, I made a few recommendations on the previous installment. For now, bask in these seven happy books!

1.  Stuff Christians Like by Jon Acuff — OK, maybe the novelty has worn off, but this book is still pretty fun. Plus, it has pictures!

2.  The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis — DELIGHTFUL! Maybe you think a book about demons couldn’t possibly be happy? Wronggggg! Not only is it clever, it’s also incredibly relevant — a great way to prepare yourself for spiritual warfare before it happens.

3.  Just Do Something by Kevin DeYoung — The book with a never-ending subtitle. (Google it.) The premise is so FREEING. It’s based on a famous quote by Saint Augustine: “Love God and do what you want.” Motivation for anyone at a spiritual standstill.

4.  Pleasures Evermore by Sam Storms — This guy is John Piper’s theological doppelgänger when it comes to defending “Christian hedonism.” Worshipping God means ENJOYING him, and Storms shows us how to do that. You might also want to check out his uplifting book, One Thing (endorsed by Piper, of course).

5.  The Knowledge of the Holy by A.W. Tozer — I read this after studying a similar book, The Attributes of God by A.W. Pink. (Who knew there were so many A.W.’s in the world? Not to mention the root beer!) Short, accessible chapters that explore various traits of God — his love, holiness, wisdom, sovereignty, immutability, etc. This book inspires worship!

6.  Same-Sex Attraction and the Church by Ed Shaw — I can’t help but include this book, which I recently reviewed here. My heart was bursting with joy and hope just thinking about how single people (and the whole Church) will benefit from it. Shaw reminds me that celibacy is, indeed, the HAPPY ALTERNATIVE to marriage!

7.  The Ordering of Love by Madeleine L’Engle — Thanks to Madeleine, I’m always thinking in iambic pentameter. This collection of poems — sonnets included — was partly responsible for my decision to major in creative writing. I can’t say I’m in love with L’Engle’s wonky theology (God rest her soul), but I’ll always love her writing. Maybe someday I’ll get around to reading A Wrinkle in Time…

BONUS BOOKS! When it comes to daily devotionals, you’ve gotta check out these gems:

•   Morning and Evening by Charles Spurgeon
•   New Morning Mercies by Paul David Tripp
•   The Songs of Jesus by Tim Keller

God, What Are You Doing?

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Last year I was going through a particularly hard time — one of those days when everything seems to come crashing down at once. And yes, it had something to do with being gay and Christian and celibate and fighting the good fight. Not every day is peachy, even when you have a website called The Happy Alternative. That day, on the verge of tears, I asked out loud, “God, what are you doing?”

I’m amazed what answers came to mind. It’s like God was WAITING for me to ask that question — to cast my cares on him. The answers started flowing so quickly, in fact, that I grabbed a pencil and scribbled them on notebook paper:

Behold, I am making all things new. (Revelation 21:5)

Working all things together for good. (Romans 8:28)

I am coming soon. (Revelation 22:7)

I’m not claiming to have had any sort of special revelation here. No, this was ACTUAL revelation: God’s Word. Real answers to a question tossed up to heaven in a moment of frustration. Words that have encouraged and strengthened saints across the ages — once painted on papyrus, now scrawled on a steno pad. Words breathed out long ago by God’s Spirit, and brought to mind by that same Spirit working in me… in the year 2015.

God rarely gives us tailor-made answers to the question “Why?” Sometimes we get glimpses in hindsight, but in the moment, when we’re aching for something more immediate and personalized, we forget that we have something better: the big picture. We don’t have to wait for God to speak out loud. (He already has.) We just need someone to remind us — we need to remind ourselves — that we’re part of a big, wonderful, supernatural, epic love story with a very happy ending.

That’s what I got that day on a scrap of paper — a reminder. I’ve looked at that paper so many times since, I’m hardly tempted to ask the question that inspired it. I know what God is doing. He’s told me. I know that whatever I’m going through, he’s in it — active and present and WORKING. The Apostle John said there isn’t room enough in the world for the books it would take to describe the things Jesus did while here on earth, much less what he’s doing now.

Imagine the scraps of paper we’ll fill when we see him face to face!

Jesus Will Complicate Your Life

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I was just a boy when I became a Christian, still building forts, climbing trees, and using my superpowers to conquer the world. It was simple faith in the beginning. I wasn’t aware of the demands Jesus would make on my life, much less the sexual ethic I’d committed to before I’d ever thought about sex, or even knew what it was. All I knew is that I loved Jesus and wanted to be with him forever — and that’s still true today.

But now I know about sex. I know it’s reserved for marriage between a man and a woman, and what that means for me as someone who’s attracted to the same sex. I admit this complicates things. In the years since I came to know Christ, there’s also been a cultural shift in support for gay marriage, so I’ve had to weigh the teachings of Christianity against worldviews that would permit me — even encourage me — to marry a man and pursue the kind of happiness many people think I can’t achieve if I remain single and celibate.

So yeah, things aren’t so simple anymore.

For me, maturing in my faith means acknowledging the complications that come with loving Jesus. Most of the time I want to glorify God and pursue holiness through singleness, but sometimes I still want to marry a man. When the U.S. Supreme Court ruled in favor of gay marriage last year, it was a hard day for Christians like me, because part of us wants that “gay American dream” and part of us wants to joyfully submit to God’s will for marriage and sexuality. This is a conflict of desires that I wouldn’t have if Jesus weren’t in my life (something my atheist friends are happy to note) and a tough decision I wouldn’t have to make.

But that’s the reality of being in a relationship with Jesus on this side of eternity. We make decisions we wouldn’t have made without him. We see and feel and experience life differently. We mourn over things we didn’t used to care about — both our own sins and other people’s. We grieve for the unrepentant, especially our loved ones. We notice what’s wrong with the world and begin to feel a bit alien. I’m surprised how many people still think Jesus came to make life easier. I think that’s due in part to televangelists and the rise of the “prosperity gospel” which, of course, is no gospel at all. If you didn’t know better, you’d think the only reason Jesus came to earth was to fix your marriage, heal your cancer, and make you a millionaire. (Or in my case, make me straight.) But nobody should be surprised that a man who died and came back to life three days later would actually COMPLICATE things. Christianity is no cushy religion; it comes with built-in conflict.

Our sexuality is no exception. There’s a lingering “sexual tension” between our spirits and our flesh. We may feel a sting of pain when we say no to porn or hookups or even a committed relationship with someone outside of God’s will. (OK, more than a sting for that last one, more like a chronic pain.) I think it’s important to acknowledge these conflicting desires because they’re so uniquely Christian — a direct result of being given a new heart. We simply would not experience them if we didn’t love Christ. He’s certainly not the “crutch” many people believe him to be.

Yes, Jesus will complicate your life.

The God-man, who himself is profoundly and beautifully complicated, came not to make things simpler in this life, but to reconcile us to God, take away our sins, and bring us into eternal fellowship with him and other believers. Knowing him is the best thing that ever happened to me. He’s worth every bit of burden, every second of complexity, every twinge of tension between the “already” and “not yet.” He’s the one I fell in love with in my childhood, and the one I continue to fall in love with every day. He’s the kind of complication I want in my life.

Simple as that.

7 (More) Happy Songs

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1.  “In Tenderness” by Citizens. They took an old clunky hymn in 6/8 and made it one of my favorite songs on the planet. The words alone are enough to send my spirit soaring, but combined with those four simple chords? DYING.

2.  “Clair de Lune.” Just listen to it. No, FEEL IT. Movie directors don’t even hire composers for their most poignant scenes; they use this song (think Atonement and Oceans Eleven). Debussy’s masterpiece is the soundtrack to our lives. Now, if only I could play it.

3.  “We Shall Always Be With the Lord” by Ellie Holcomb. Buy the whole album. In fact, buy her whole catalogue! Simple, gorgeous, uplifting, and so many songs pulled straight from Scripture. But this song gets me every time. Tears streaming. Heart bursting. True happiness right here.

4.  “Oh! Great is Our God!” by The Sing Team. You can hear the joy in their voices. It’s like family worship. And the title says it all.

5.  “Sunshine” by Joy Williams. After her stint on Christian radio, but before she was half of The Civil Wars, she was an indie solo artist with two delightful EPs. This song, along with a runner-up called “You’re My Favorite,” feels like a blend of 60s pop and a children’s TV theme song.

6.  “Hello” by KB. No, not Adele’s unhappy tune. This one’s a rap-sung collaboration that makes me want to do two things: 1) SANG and 2) PREACH. A “morning after” song that reminds us that God’s mercies are new every day.

7.  “U Will Know” by BMU. Mmmmm, this song is YUMMY. A little-known gem from the 90s, recorded by the most soulful voices of that era. With their powers combined, they are “Black Men United.” I get one taste of that guitar intro and I’m instantly hooked — and instantly happy!

Need seven more? I got you.

Through The Lens Of Celibacy

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I’m going on 33 years of singleness. It’s nothing to boast about and nothing to brood over — it’s just a fact. But when you’ve been doing the “eunuch” thing your whole life, you do start to notice how your perspective differs from other Christians, not to mention the world. Lately, I’ve been thinking about the ways celibacy has shaped me, and how I’ve come to view life through that particular lens.

I see family through the lens of celibacy.

Part of being a Christian is expanding the definition of “family” to include our brothers and sisters in Christ — our spiritual family. I imagine celibate people think about this more often than those who are married with children. We’ve learned — we’re constantly reminded — there’s more to family than genetics. As someone who’s not planning to procreate, “starting a family” means something very different to me; it means making every effort to embrace people as family who don’t share my genes, my last name, or my home. Loving them like flesh and blood, learning what it means to be adopted by God. Celibacy confirms what I already believed about the Church: whether or not I ever get married or have kids, I’ll never be without a family.

I see friendship through the lens of celibacy.

For many single people, friendship is a gateway to romance or marriage. But celibacy has taught me to value friendship for what it is, and not what it can become. I don’t feel burdened by the fear (or thrill) of friendship turning into “something more,” because I’m focused on celibacy as the end goal. I see friendship itself as something to pursue, enjoy, cultivate, and commit to. As a single person, I’m not previously engaged (no pun intended) with duties to spouse or children, so I have more time and energy to devote to friendship. Celibacy has shaped my theology of friendship, and I hope it’s also made me a better friend.

I see marriage through the lens of celibacy.

Having only observed marriage from the outside, I’ve managed to find ways that singleness is like marriage, which helps me identify with married people. But celibacy does remove me from some of the practical aspects of marriage — things that are hard to grasp as a mere spectator. This can be a problem. For example, if a married friend turns down my invitation to dinner because he wants to spend time with his wife and kids, I can have a hard time accepting that — not intellectually, but emotionally. I realize his family is a priority, but it’s hard to reconcile that with the idea of spiritual family in Christ. (I’m family, too!) This is one area where my head and my heart need to work it out, and I admit there’s still a lot of room to grow and mature.

I see singleness through the lens of celibacy.

Christian singleness looks and feels a lot different from its worldly counterpart. Outside church walls, singleness is often disassociated from celibacy and rarely considered GOOD. But I’m learning to uphold singleness as a gift from God. The Apostle Paul was single and hoped others would embrace that same “gift” (1 Corinthians 7:7). And, of course, Jesus led the single life, too — for about as long as I have! He encouraged those who were able to remain single to gladly “receive” it (Matthew 19:11-12). Because Paul and Jesus were pro-singleness, and because God himself is pro-happiness, I know it’s possible to be happy without also having sex. That’s why I’m so convinced that singleness is the HAPPY ALTERNATIVE to marriage!

Meditation On Being Gay

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Recently, I was at the zoo with my friend. We were standing at an exhibit with peacocks and peahens, among other birds. The peahen was quite pretty, with a pop of color around her neck, like a scarf, which blended into gray. But compared to the peacock — his long, vibrant feathers stretched out behind him like art, his chest puffed out in a princely fashion — the female seemed a bit lackluster. (Insert sad trombone noise here.)

“You know, in nature, males are often the most beautiful,” I told my friend. “Hey! That’s kind of what it’s like to be gay.”

Women are beautiful in their own right, I acknowledge that, but it’s men who stand out to me. My initial attraction to a man isn’t always — in fact, often isn’t — sexual. Instead, it’s an instantaneous admiration of his beauty. “An involuntary reaction to external stimuli,” as a friend once said. To put it simply, male beauty is something I notice. There’s something about the aesthetics, composition, and essence of men that appeals to me; whereas, it’s easier to glance past those qualities in women. I imagine it’s the same way (only reversed) for straight people.

Of course, I’m not attracted to every man, in the same way straight men aren’t attracted to every woman but are attracted to women in general. That’s where the word “attracted” gets a bit complicated. Same-sex “attraction” (there’s that word again) isn’t quite as sexualized as many people imagine; it’s not the same as temptation, desire, or lust, although it can turn into those things, or overlap. (We’ll talk more about this in future posts.) Our language is imperfect and limited, but I think the easiest way to describe being gay is that I’m primarily attracted to men.

With that said, I know plenty of men who are primarily attracted to men but found themselves surprisingly attracted to a woman — and then they fell in love, got married, and had babies. None of these men consider themselves “ex-gay,” as they remain primarily same-sex attracted; that is, they didn’t become attracted to women in general, but to a woman. They found one particular “peahen” that was more beautiful than the other peacocks. Oh gosh, maybe this isn’t the best metaphor…

So that’s one way to describe a gay orientation. These are just quick thoughts after a trip to the zoo, so please don’t read too much into them. And to all the peahens out there, you’re pretty too!