WHY I’M SINGLE
Most of the time, I really enjoy being single. I think God designed me in such a way that I can thrive as a single man. My personality, my hobbies, and my schedule all lend themselves to singleness. I’ve been a “bachelor” my whole life, and I’ve done pretty well so far. I’ve recorded music, earned a master’s degree, started a career. But I’ve also made time for more important things — building friendships, going on adventures, and ministering to folks who are struggling with their faith. It’s become one of my life goals to promote the joys and freedoms of singleness in Christ.
Oh, and then there’s the OTHER reason.
I’m a man who’s attracted to men. In other words, I’m gay. I’ve been that way for as long as I can remember. But as a Christian, I’m also committed to God’s good design for marriage — one man and one woman. So, because I don’t ultimately desire to pursue a sexual relationship with a man, and I equally don’t desire marriage to a woman, I choose to remain single. It’s pretty simple… Except that it’s also not.
But here’s one thing I can tell you for sure: I haven’t resigned myself to singleness. I’m pursuing it. The full, thriving, people-loving, God-glorifying kind. That is, the happy kind.
WHY I’M HAPPY
On the cross, Jesus secured my salvation and freed me from the slavery of sin. Through his resurrection, he conquered death, my greatest enemy. He adopted me into a beautiful, diverse, globe-spanning family. He’s given me a local community of believers who care about my holiness. He gives me the hope of eternity with God, along with some of my favorite people ever (and millions more whom I haven’t met) on a renewed earth. He’s given me just about everything I could ask for — and lots that I didn’t ask for too — and I know he’s working all things for my good (Romans 8:28). So yeah, Jesus gives me a lot to be happy about.
But we’re human and we forget these things.
For that reason, in recent years, I’ve made a conscious effort to focus on the positive (which is not in my nature) and to find reasons to be happy (also not in my nature). That is, I’m WORKING on happiness. Not worldly hedonism, and not the faux happiness that pretends everything is OK when it’s not, but lasting happiness in Christ. Happiness that leaves room for depth and compassion, puts our suffering into perspective, and doesn’t vanish the second I’m no longer entertained. I certainly haven’t mastered the art of happiness, but I’ve come a long way since my glass-half-empty days. And I figure if we’re going to spend eternity with God and our fellow man in endless happiness, why not get a head start?
WHY I’M BLOGGING
I’m not out to be “the voice” of single Christians or gay Christians or any other kind of Christian. But I’m happy to be one of the voices. There are many Christians blogging about their experience with same-sex attraction and singleness, but one thing I’ve found missing — one void I hope to fill in the blogosphere — is a place that focuses on the joy of singleness, even amid the struggles.
I’m convinced that if we’re going to offer the single, celibate life as a real alternative to what the world offers, then it needs to be a HAPPY ALTERNATIVE. That’s a phrase I coined years ago to debunk the myth that all unmarried people are sad, lonely folks who are wasting their unwed lives away. People need hope that they can live happily and love deeply as unmarried people. Happiness is immensely important to the Christian life. It’s not an afterthought; it’s a priority. I’m not a happiness expert, but I’ve learned a lot in 30-plus years of being single (and nearly that long being a Christian) and I’m excited to share some of those things with you.
With that said, I could blog every day about the profound joy I’ve found in Christ — even in my singleness — and haters would still call me a self-denying, truth-suppressing fraud. I can’t prove to anyone that I’m happy… But sometimes it’s fun to try!
So, this is a blog about singleness, sexuality, and happiness. But you’ll also find theology, photography, poetry, book reviews, quotes, and music. My goal is to give you snapshots and food for thought — not giant, drawn-out dissertations. Just a little something each week to remind you that life in Christ can be happy and rich and beautiful. Or, as Samuel Rutherford put it, “the king’s life.”