Last year I was going through a particularly hard time — one of those days when everything seems to come crashing down at once. And yes, it had something to do with being gay and Christian and celibate and fighting the good fight. Not every day is peachy, even when you have a website called The Happy Alternative. That day, on the verge of tears, I asked out loud, “God, what are you doing?”
I’m amazed what answers came to mind. It’s like God was WAITING for me to ask that question — to cast my cares on him. The answers started flowing so quickly, in fact, that I grabbed a pencil and scribbled them on notebook paper:
Behold, I am making all things new. (Revelation 21:5)
Working all things together for good. (Romans 8:28)
I am coming soon. (Revelation 22:7)
I’m not claiming to have had any sort of special revelation here. No, this was ACTUAL revelation: God’s Word. Real answers to a question tossed up to heaven in a moment of frustration. Words that have encouraged and strengthened saints across the ages — once painted on papyrus, now scrawled on a steno pad. Words breathed out long ago by God’s Spirit, and brought to mind by that same Spirit working in me… in the year 2015.
God rarely gives us tailor-made answers to the question “Why?” Sometimes we get glimpses in hindsight, but in the moment, when we’re aching for something more immediate and personalized, we forget that we have something better: the big picture. We don’t have to wait for God to speak out loud. (He already has.) We just need someone to remind us — we need to remind ourselves — that we’re part of a big, wonderful, supernatural, epic love story with a very happy ending.
That’s what I got that day on a scrap of paper — a reminder. I’ve looked at that paper so many times since, I’m hardly tempted to ask the question that inspired it. I know what God is doing. He’s told me. I know that whatever I’m going through, he’s in it — active and present and WORKING. The Apostle John said there isn’t room enough in the world for the books it would take to describe the things Jesus did while here on earth, much less what he’s doing now.
Imagine the scraps of paper we’ll fill when we see him face to face!
Awww, thank for the reminder. Love you my little brother ?
You are such a beautiful testimony to everyone! We don’t have to be walking down your path to get insight and inspiration from you and your writings! You are an awesome Christian man with deep faith and knowledge! Thank you for being you! I Love You, always have and always will!
AMAZING! Pure poetry❤️
Bryan – thank you for sharing. Very encouraging thoughts to keep in mind when things are blurry.
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Thanks for this. Im not gay, but I do have a major sexual struggle, and I have cried out to God, “why?!?” quite a few times. Its hard to be wired a certain way, and have to fight the urge to act on it, and understand why God would allow anyone to be made like tgat, when what I truly want is to serve him. Keep fighting tje good fight, and continue to share your hope ❤ God bless you
Thank you for your vulnerability and wisdom. Such a blessing to the rest of us travailing along the journey of faith.
Your writings will open the eyes of the blind and the hearts of the hardened, maybe not today as they read your column but when the seeds of your commitment and belief have had time to take root in their souls, the goodness will grow. Please continue sharing your journey.