Can God Change Our Sexuality?

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Yes, I believe he can. But I don’t think he often does — at least, not in the way many people think he does.

What God most often changes is not someone’s sexual attractions, but his or her ultimate desires. That is, we may continue to be attracted to the same sex, but our lives are shaped by an ultimate desire to know, love, and honor God with our whole being, including our sexuality. For some, that means pursuing marriage with the opposite sex (I have many friends who chose that path), and for others it means pursuing singleness as the happy alternative to marriage. This conformity to God’s will is a significant and miraculous change, but it’s not the kind of change many people think of when they talk about sexuality.

Growing up as a gay kid in the 90s, the only message of change I ever heard was from men in the “ex-gay” movement who claimed to have been “healed” of homosexuality and were now married to women. As I’ve learned, many of these men are now divorced and pursuing sexual relationships with men. So what went wrong? The narrative of “healing” placed too much emphasis on change in sexual orientation, and not enough on the gospel.

What we have today is a more honest conversation. The gay men I know who are married to women acknowledge their ongoing struggles with same-sex desires. This is a much more biblical and needed narrative. Following Jesus doesn’t mean we cease to struggle with sin — sexual or otherwise. On the contrary, we CONTINUE to struggle. The “good fight” is a sign of genuine faith and a reminder that we live with conflicting desires, which is the story of ALL Christians, not just those who experience SSA.

God hasn’t changed my orientation, but has he changed me? Is he sanctifying me? Absolutely. Through my continued experience with SSA, he’s teaching me to trust him, to patiently await his return, and to humbly submit to his design for marriage and sexuality. That’s not to say he can’t give me desires for a woman, but I’m living in the reality that he has not, and he may not. In the meantime, I’m learning other things: how to love my neighbor, how to be a friend who loves at all times, how to bear others’ burdens, and how to glorify God in all I do. You know, the lessons every other Christian is learning, too.

Sanctification is change — and there’s more to sanctification than becoming straight. Heterosexuality is something I haven’t been able to “achieve” by myself, and something God hasn’t seen fit to give me. For now, I’m serving him as a happy, single, celibate, changed man.

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6 comments on “Can God Change Our Sexuality?

  1. Glen

    This is good. The struggle too is when you feel alone and lonely. Wishing you too can have intimacy, knowing someone else loves you the way they love you, even if you are not sharing physical intimacy. It is a sacrifice that is extremely difficult and burdensome, and requires faith and trust in God to continue in it. I am still struggling with the being alone part, and knowing it may be for the rest of my life.

      1. Sihol

        That deals with our expectations. I am single and I am not alone nor lonely. I have friends and family whom I love dearly. I have God who loves me more than anyone cannlove me. Physical intimacy is not a necessity in life. I have lived without physical intimacy for over 5 years and I am doing just fine. Following Jesus means we need to give Him our dreams/desires and expectations. Perhaps you will be interested in reading my book on how God delivered me from homosexuality. It’s a free read: notthesamelove.com

  2. Frankie

    Amazing! Sanctification, YES! This is the conversation churches should be having. What a difference this would have made if I had learned it sooner.

  3. Renato

    This is extremely powerful, brother, and I pray that God continues giving you strength through this life-long battle. I’m personally not gay. However, my battle deals with pornography and lust. All your words apply to my life as well. Unfortunatley, it’s not a switch that I can just turn “off” and in that I see how God wants me to just desire Him making everything else much less crucial for my joy. Thank you again, brother.

  4. sandi

    To add just one thing..don’t forget about ! Corinthians 6:11 11And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” With God, all things are possible

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